Camp Simon
by IzzySkaluvrGallagher
Summary: AU Story. I dont know what I've been told! But there's a Girl in Boy's old clothes! We call him Simon and He's as thin as a stick! But no one knows It's Suze in a wig! Sound off, one, two, three, four. One, two, Three-four!


**Disclaimer: I don't own The Mediator. Too Bad: The ultimate Mediator Fanfic cliche**

**My first fanfiction idea actually put into a story instead of staying in my head. I'm not saying if they have powers, or not, or who's who. I don't want to give anything away. Although most are the same characters, just some minor tweaking. Well hope you like it. **

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"Don't wait up." Dopey said, as he grabbed his jacket, and tinkled the keys to one of the cars in his other hand.

Yeah did I mention that it would be nice of my half-brother to ask me, Suze Simon the new girl in Carmel, out for one of his end-of-the-summer house parties, not that he did, of course. But just so he knows, if he was thinking about asking me, then I'M ALL FOR IT!

Oh God, no. NO! I do not have a crush on my new step-brother, GOD NO!! No way in hell, Am I secretly pining for my older step-brother, oh my god. EW! Just gross. Beyond disgusting. I mean sure, half the girls in the airport were practically drooling over him when he came to pick me up from the New York flight. But once you get to know Brad, you'll see that he's an average, obnoxious, self-centered guy. Aren't I just the sweetest step-sister?

And if I wasn't the new girl in this little place called California, then I wouldn't even think of stooping that low and waiting for an invite from my newly obtained half-brother. But sadly, I am. That's right, me. Susannah Simon, fresh out of The Big Apple, is now fully moved to Carmel, California. Where the palm trees are shadier (and actually present), the poison oak is thriving (why did you curse me God?), and everything is just much cleaner (Yeah, I swear I saw a lady in pastels just outside. PASTELS I TELL YOU!) I swear I think I had gotten too much direct sunlight, and it's starting to fry my brains.

Oh well, at least I'll be happy and crazy. Well more crazy than I am now, of course. Which isn't really saying that much, but whatever. Anyway, you probably think I'm crazy, which is actually pretty dead set on. But let me just clear some stuff up for you so that you'll come to the conclusion on your own.

My name is Susannah Simon, but you should call me Suze. See how I used the word "should." Yup, it's not a request. It's a direct order. I'm about average height, with brown hair and green eyes. Which according to my mom, are like sparkling emeralds. Thanks mom. I've got a pretty strong build, not overly muscular like a body-builder. But more of the karate kid type, due to my much followed daily schedule of kick-boxing. This comes in handy when I get into fights.

Oh whoops, did I forget to mention that to you? I'm a fighter. You can't really tell when I'm just walking down the streets, in my all black clothes, brass knuckles (sorry, confiscated brass knuckles) and angry penetrating glare. I probably look like the type of girl who would have a lot of friends, get invited to tons of parties and have the quarterback boyfriend. HAHAHAHA!

Sorry I just made one of the biggest jokes in my entire life. Right next to the one when I told everyone back in kindergarten that the hedgehog we saw on the school playground was my sister. Well actually now that I think about it, that hedgehog could have been related to me, what with both of our abilities to drive away potential friends, boyfriends and admirers.

So there you have it. I'm a 16 year-old-brunette loner with green eyes, a bad attitude and brass knuckles. Whoops, I keep on forgetting about that, newly confiscated brass knuckles.

I mean its not that I don't try to fit in, I just have a lot of bad luck in the social universe. Its not my fault.

Okay it's mainly not my fault.

Okay I'm not gonna lie. Some time I'll just have to try harder. Which is the exact reason why I found myself planted firmly in front of the door of our house and asking Dopey with all the venom I could muster "And where do you think you're going?"

Dopey acted out like his namesake and muttered arrogantly. "Somewhere." He tried to brush me away and slip out the front door, which of course I retaliated by grabbing his arm and twisting it backwards against his back painfully.

Another pet peeve of mine is when people try to push me or brush me aside. Unfortunately, it mostly always ends painfully. For them.

"Ow! Geez, Ice Queen. That's my throwing arm! Get off me!" He yelped in agony. I know I have a tendency to overreact and my overreaction is always brash. But hey, he really is a jerk.

He whimpered pathetically (Hey jocks! Look at your star wrestler now.) and cried in a resigned voice. "All right, all right. I know what you want to know. And I'm willing to compromise." That of course made me slacken my grip, I mean, how did he know that I wanted invite to his summer end party. It's not like I knew anyone that he knew.

I barely knew anyone in our own neighborhood. I just moved a two weeks into the summer. Thus no friends from school, being that I haven't stepped foot in it yet. I loosened my grip until it finally let go and said with my arms folded against my chest. "I'm listening." Hm, I'm beginning to like Dopey. Not enough to use his real name Brad in every day usage, but decreasing my glare so that in now resembled a suspicious glance.

"Look I know the camp starts in 4 days, but I'll come back early tomorrow, and I'll be able to prepare to pack and everything." I slumped in shock and despair. He wasn't going to offer me a chance to get to know everyone at the comforts of a vibrant and outgoing party. That idiot! Being me/ being so completely transparent, I slapped my hand against my forehead in obvious frustration. I mean come on I don't want to be the type of person who goes hunting for an invite by taking advantage of my newly inherited relations. So if he could just realize that on his own, that would be great.

Dopey rubbed his arm moodily, as he studied my expression. While his filled with recognition. "Wait what where you expecting? An invitation?" He smirked, that asshole. I would have loved to wipe that smirk off his face with a flick of my wrist. Oh wait, why don't I do just that? So deciding to save myself the humiliation I did something that came naturally to me in times of panic.

I slugged him. My fist collided with his overlarge stomach with a hard kathump. But it didn't feel like his stomach at all, and trust me, after much times of assault on his stomach with my clenched fist, I should know. After I thought about it, it didn't look like his stomach either. It looked like a pillow was stuffed under it.

And what do you know, a pillow did topple out from under his shirt to the floor. Dopey picked it up and laughed. "You honestly thought I'd leave without a backup plan against your temperamental jealousy?" I raised my eyebrows, as I suspected his evil grin snarkily. I'd rather die that admit that I was snooping around for an invite. "Wow, you must be so completely proud of yourself. Even I'm impressed, I had no idea you even knew how to spell jealousy in the first place. Well bravo." I ended smoothly, clapping my hands together slowly.

Like the witty audience that I am. But alas, he did not fall for my verbal jousting and smashed the pillow against my face none too gently. "Bite me Simon, you're pathetic and I can see it. So don't even try to hide. So unless you want everyone at school hearing how you went down on your knees and begged me for an invite to the hot summer party. Then you'd better keep your mouth shut and not squeal to mom and dad about it." He was threatening me! That jackass! Not only was he totally just abandoning David/ Doc, for the night before the All boys Junipero Serra camp's open house day. He hadn't even packed, AND he was threatening me rudely to "keep my mouth shut." He has the nerve to expect to get away with it!

That's it, I thought, as I threw my fist back and let go with all my might, I'm gonna enjoy this. But unfortunately, I hadn't timed it right at all, and Brad was able to slip out of the door and close it before it shut in my face, and unluckily, in my fist.

F%&^*%, I cussed. "WUSS!" I said through the crack through the door, but all I could hear was Brad's laughter. God was I gonna break his head later on. That ducking glassmole. Or something that rhymed with it. But now I had to deal with my broken knuckles. It felt displaced and did I mention it hurt like hell.

Hearing my very imaginative curses and swears, I bet. David came running down the stairs, his sock in one hand and his underwear in his other. Hm, now what on earth could he have been doing up there? "Is someone attacking you Suze?" He asked alarmingly. His sock covered fist raised in an protective stance, I'm sure.

Normally, I'd say something sarcastic like "Put the sock down, David before you severely hurt someone." Or "I know you were working on a experiment to combine to senses together to make an ultimate weapon, but really don't look down on yourself that much, you socks don't smell that bad. Next time use Brad's." but seeing that my brain was temporarily shut off from common sense and replaced with a lot of pain. I couldn't form coherent sentences. David fortunately smiled sympathetically and approached me.

Out of all my step-family members, I would have to say David is my favorite. (Sorry Andy, step-brother over step-father) I would be crushed and probably never recover if David died (I'd get over it if Brad croaked, but at least I'd cry properly at the funeral.) and it does help that David is a really sweet and kind person and actually listens to my problems. Plus, did I mention he's a friggin genius, I mean he could help me with my trig homework if I needed it. But since no school, we'll see.

"What did you hit?" David asked as he studied my black and blue (not to mention dented) knuckles. "The door." I said darkly, no use trying to lie to Doc, he'd find out sooner or later when he saw the fist sized cavity on the door. "Brad, huh." David said, as if he had heard it all before, while he wiped the blood from my knuckles with a towel from the kitchen, that we had just entered. "I really hope he makes it back." He mumbled, as he tried to pick out a stick of wood sticking out of my skin, I was so gonna get Dopey for this by painfully embedding my fist into his soon shattered nasal cartilage.

But something Doc said drew me out of my fury induced stupor. "Huh. I didn't know you got over you're hate for everything Brad?" I said curiously, It's true, David hates Brad's guts as much as I do. And when we fist met 2 years ago, our obvious dislike of Brad Ackerman had unified and solidified our step-sibling bond. It turns out Brad had pretty much tormented David throughout his whole 12 year-old-life.

Poor Kid, imagine life with Dopey 24/ 7. So I felt kind of scared and a little betrayed at David's comment. "No I still dislike Brad with every fiber of my being, I'm just worried he might not return in time for the Camp's open house tomorrow." Then I remembered Junipero Serra summer camp. It was this All boys program that David was uncharacteristically hyped up about. Yeah it surprised me too I thought that Doc was more of the Space camp type but apparently he liked making birdhouses too. The camp was a month and a half program filled with cabins, canoeing, wallet-making, the whole nine yards. Complete with counselors and cabin-mates. But the camp was designed for a brotherly brother environment, meant to strengthen the brothers in the family, so seeing a chance to have his 2 sons rebuild their barely there bond, Andy signed them up for a month of camp activities together, and that meant no outside world for about two month.

Too bad it was only a brother brother camp, no sisters allowed, so I couldn't step in and save David even if I wanted to. It was a complete mystery why David didn't faint at the idea. But I guess David has his reasons, he is after all a genius and was probably planning a full scale attack on Brad. A revenge plan for all the past 12 years of suffering. Let's keep our fingers crossed, and hope for it. After David finished bandaging my knuckles, I thanked him and affectionately ruffled his unruly mop of red hair. Before I bade him goodnight and told him to get his butt back upstairs to his room and either pack or go to bed. I walked back into the living room, jumped on the couch and turned the t.v on. If I couldn't face Dopey tonight, I'll make sure he'll be the first and last person he sees when he comes through that door.

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"_RING!!!!" _I woke up violently at the annoying screech of the phone ringing like a friggin bee in my ear. I suddenly have a deep resentment for bees. God I hate it when that happens. It makes me want to really kill something. Get me the bug repellant, I have some exterminating to do.

I grab the phone and hold it against my ear, and snapping into it coldly (hey, you would to if you were in my situation) "What?!" Expect it came out sounding like Wutch, due to my early-morning incoherent-um-ness. Yup it's a curse. Something that happens even inside my head. But wait doesn't it happen in my head anyways since I'm the one thinking about it? Ugh, too much thoughts. Keep it simple brain, it's 9 in the morning! Don't need to get me thinking deep thoughts just yet. Leave it for the library.

"Excuse me is this the Ackerman residence?" A deep, silky, male voice echoed in my ear. I was thrown off guard at the sound of a totally hot and sexy, Latino sounding man. Damn! If this guy was as hot as his voice he would be smoking. I widened my eyes in shock and arranged my voice into, what I thought, was a lower, sexy, alluring, femme fatale voice. "Yes this is it. May I ask who I am talking to."

I heard him clear his throat and ask curiously. "My name is Jesse De Silva I am one of the counselors in Camp Junipero Serra. Judging by your voice, this must be Bradley Ackerman speaking I presume?"

Um, ouch! This totally hot guy I'm trying to phone seduce thinks I'm an effing guy! I could feel my face flushing. And he wasn't even in the room and he still made me blush, this guy must have been hot to make me redden like this. Well that and the humiliation that is this moment.

Now I can fully understand why no guy asks me out, I mean besides the fact that I fight, I'm kind of intimidating, let's add the fact that my voice turns into a man's when I trying to flirt. The gods must hate me. A real whopping 10 on the embarrassment scale.

Thank God no one was there to share in my mortification, except for, of course, the silky-voiced- Mr. Jesse-counselor-man. And I didn't want to make an even bigger moron of myself, so that's why I found myself saying in the same Brad Ackerman/ Suze-trying-to-sound-hot voice "Um, no this is Brad's step-brother su-s-Simon." Huh, I really should have thought this through, why didn't I? Oh I don't know, maybe cuz it's 9 IN THE MORNING! But let's not get too much into it.

Anyways, back to my lack of logic due to the rising of the sun I found myself stuttering into the phone. Yeah, I'm foreign, call me soohsuhSimon. God my IQ must be on the blink. He must think I'm a Martian.

"Pardon? I didn't catch that. It must be a bad connection in the forest. But what did you say your name was?" Mr. Jesse man said. And he sounded genuinely confused, as if he had no idea that I stuttered on my name. What a sweetie.

"Simon." I said with more firmness in my voice. The second time's the charm, after all. "Simon." He said repeated. I think he believed me, because there was no suspicion in his voice, just acceptance. I would have been better of as a man.

"So, is Bradley Ackerman or Andy Ackerman available right now?" He inquired formally; excuse me while I turn into a puddle beside the phone.

Somehow, a small sense of common sense kicked in at the moment and I heard my mouth say. "Um, no. They're not. Here, I mean." How smart am I? Said my sarcasm. "May I take a message?" I added quickly as an afterthought, my morning senselessness wearing off, finally.

"Oh alright. Can you inform Bradley that the camp's open house is tomorrow? And that all campers have to present at the event." Jesse said, his all business voice making me swoon over the phone.

"Is it compulsory?"

"Well, nope. Not really." Jesse said, his voice finally showing some personality. I liked it, he kind of seemed more this century.

"We won't try to force anything on people. Let's just say it's strongly encouraged." I could sense him smiling.

"Well, what if, hypothetically of course, someone wasn't able to make it?" I asked, because I really wasn't expecting Brad to be here by tomorrow.

"Then the person would have to ask a male relative to take his place or not be officially registered at all." Jesse replied. Okay now that kind of pissed me off. Um, Male Relative? What's wrong with girls? Was the camp owner a sexist pig or something? What was with his totally non-gay, I'm sure (sarcasm, again), need for all guy environment? This was totally gender discrimination.

I told Jesse my questions, well, more of yelled it and he replied with a carefree laugh (oh, be still my heart!). "No, the manager wasn't a sexist pig as you finely put it. The camp was built on native land that is still owned by the native people who were populating it before. The manager had an agreement with the chief of the tribe that he could build the camp on their ground as long as they accepted the tribe's religious laws of the land, and some other conditions as well. No females are one of them" He added.

Huh, well that makes sense, kind of, I guess. "So do you approve of these rules?" I asked coyly, forgetting for a moment that I'm supposed to be a guy and is probably weirding him out if he's straight.

"No, I think that the rules are necessary and valid." Jesse recited dully as if he read this line straight from the Counselor's Guide to Reluctant Bachelorhood. Either that or he was a reluctant Bachelor by heart, either of the two anyway.

"Do they force you to say that in your camp leader seminars?" I snorted out, unable to stop myself.

Surprisingly, Jesse laughed and joked "Yeah, right after they shaved our heads and seeped the will to live out of our pores." That made me laugh, I thought Jesse was the type who would obey rules with no contradiction and ramrod, stiff posture. But then, I barely know the guy so what can I expect.

"So will I'll be expecting Bradley to be there tomorrow then? Or will I be expecting to meet someone else with David?" Jesse said back to business, but I could still hear the smile in his voice.

"Um, I'm not sure really. We'll see who'll come. But David will definitely be there." I replied on behalf of Doc, poor little guy had older people dictate his fate even though his IQ is probably more than theirs."Alright then, is there anything else I need to know?" Jesse asked.

"Oh, yeah."

"Hm, yes, what is it?"

"Don't call Brad Bradley, he'll break your face."

"Thanks for that. Goodbye Simon."

"Bye Jesse." I said, his laugh still echoing in my ears.

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**Read and Review! Be gentle please, I have an unstable self-esteem. **

**If you want I can add in the proper story description in the next chapter. But its sort of hard to not give away spoilers, so it might not be as climactic when you get to a certain chapter as it would be if I just left it non-summary.**

**Is it good so far? Please review! I need the will to go on (Just kidding, but it would be wonderful to hear if people actually like my story) 2****nd**** Chapter still coming…..whether you like it or not.**


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